New J K Rowling books

After the publication of the 7th and final Harry Potter book, J K Rowling has revealed that she is writing two new books.

The first book, "Barry Cotter and the Stilosopher's Phone", is aimed at children and set in Wogharts School of Blizzardry and Weathercraft, a school for young weather forecasters. The plot revolves around Barry's fight against Global Warming. Barry and his friends try to save the 'muddles' (people who aren't weather experts) of southern England from alternate bouts of drought and flooding.

The second book, "Sally Blotter and the Chatter of Secrets", is aimed at adults and set in Bogwarts School of Bitchcraft and Gossipry, a school for tabloid columnists. The plot revolves around Sally's fight against celebrity marriages. Sally and some people she hangs out with, but slags off behind their backs, try to save the 'befuddled' (people who read tabloid columnists) from the belief that people could possibly be famous and faithful or rich and happy.

Rubbish

In today's news, a committee of UK MPs has condemned the UK's rubbish collection policy as "rubbish".

After looking into bins, waste-collection vehicles and tips around the country, the committee labelled plans for small cash incentives (for recycled waste) and charges (for non-recycled waste) as "a bit timid".

Furthermore, in considering the collection of non-recyclable waste and recyclable waste on alternate weeks, the committee of hard-headed, no-nonsense politicians concluded that, although it did appear to increase recycling and there was no evidence that it actually did pose any threat to public health, it was possibly not always appropriate, especially as there had been a lot of fuss about it in the Press, and, well, you can never be sure and we really ought to listen to people's concerns and not run before we can walk - best to look before you leap and all that...

More Flood Relief

In today's news, the Chinese government allocated another 95 million yuan to fund disaster relief work in flood-hit Anhui, Henan, Hubei, Sichuan and Shanxi provinces, bringing the total fund to 327 million yuan (21 million British Pounds).

More than 66 million Chinese have been affected by floods this summer, with 360 people killed and direct economic losses of 24.3 billion yuan (1.5 billion British Pounds).

Meanwhile, the UK's central government allocated 14 million British Pounds to a relief package to be shared out among flood-hit local authorities, in Yorkshire and the Midlands.

More than 28,000 homes have been affected by floods this summer, with 4 people killed and economic losses of 1.5 billion British Pounds.

The leader of Hull City Council said it was only "a drop in the ocean".