Monday, 26 February 2007

Border Police

In today's news, UK Conservative Party leader David Cameron has called for the creation of a new border police service.

Rather than proposing to spend any money on it, the border force will be created by unifying existing personnel and resources from agencies such as the Immigration Service, HM Revenue and Customs, Serious and Organised Crime Agency, the cast of The Bill and PC Plod from Noddy.

Mr Cameron declared:
"Instead of ID cards we believe the right approach is to have a fully integrated Border Police Force that will have one clear focus: keeping Scottish people out of England - particularly Gordon Brown and John Reid."

"The group will be chaired by Dame Helen Mirren, the former star of
Prime Suspect. As someone who has been Britain's top policewoman, she knows better than anyone how many of the problems faced by the police in our cities can be exaggerated on the telly."

A spokesconstable for the Police said:
"Broader police would be able to block up the doorways to houses during raids thus preventing criminals escaping by getting round them."

The Secretary of State for Health condemned the proposal:
"This goes very much against the Government's campaign to tackle obesity, criminals could just as easily be blocked from escaping by two much thinner police constables standing very close together"


ivereadyourstuf said...

and you seem to have a stalker!

Ariel said...

Hilarious, and just this side of worrying as there is always a slight possibility our ever innovative politicos might do what you suggest! More of the same, pretty please with a cherry on top?