Thursday, 24 May 2007

95% of people facing hell

In today's news, a prominent Church of England theologian has claimed that 95% of people are going to Hell.

This was immediately condemned by the leader of the Conservatory Party, who accused traditionalists of:
"clinging on to outdated mantras that bear no relation to the reality of life."

He went on to insist that his party vehemently opposed the idea of selecting people for Heaven or Hell at the age of 11, arguing that middle class parents could coach a less gifted child to do better in an exam at age 11 than a bright child from a less well-off background.

A spokesman for the Labouratory Party said:
"Whilst we certainly oppose a return to the 11+ and the grammar school/secondary modern system, we do not oppose selection per se provided it is relevant to the particular specialism in question.

The Government has no objection to people being selected for Heaven based on their aptitude for the activities that go on there - singing, talking to God, watering pot plants, etc. Equally, we would expect Hell to select on the basis of abilities appropriate to its sphere of excellence: adultery, pillage, torture and that sort of thing."

1 comment:

That's so pants said...

At last, some common sense in education policy. Deeds not words, I say.