Tuesday, 29 January 2008

2008 US Presidential Election Analysis

As the juggernaut of US democracy thunders along the interstate highway of time towards the toll plaza of election day, we take this opportunity to assess the key issues and central characters in the most important election in the free world.

Key Facts

Election Day. American presidential elections are always held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November which this year will fall on a Tuesday.

Electoral College. US voters do not directly elect their president. The founding fathers of the United States decided that ordinary Americans were too ignorant to know how to actually elect someone. Instead, each state sends a number of 'electors' to electoral college where they learn how to elect the president. This is why the presidential election takes so long.

Parties. There are two political parties in the US. One party is called "the Republicans" and the other is called "the Democrats". Apart from that there's no difference, so very similar to the UK really.

Primaries. Despite having middlemen to do the actual work of electing the president, the voters still need to have a rehearsal before the big day. So each party holds primary elections in each state. This allows voters to practice voting and candidates to practice being elected.


Borat O'Bama (Democrat). Young and charismatic, Mr O'Bama has positioned himself as the new Kennedy, despite suggestions that he's not actually of Irish descent.

Hill Clinton (Democrat). A potentially divisive figure, Hill Clinton's main stance is to advocate a return to the 1990s policy of having a Clinton in the White House.

John Edwards (Democrat). Nominee for vice-president last time round, Edward Johns has struggled to extend his support beyond the pro-smiling wing of the Democrat Party.

Julie Rudiani (Republican). Law and order candidate and ex-Mare of New York City, Julie's strategy of not bothering to have a macho-sounding name may back-fire.

John McBain (Republican). Foreign policy wonk, war hero and everyone's favorite grandpa, McBain's exploits in the Spanish-American War of 1898 are famous.

Rom Mittney (Mammon). Fiscal conservative, successful businessman and organiser of the 2002 Winter Olympics, millionaire Mittney has suffered attacks from the religious right who are concerned that he's never divorced his wife.

Huck Mickabee (Republican). God-bothering, guitar-strumming, former Baptist minister, Mickabee, is strongly supported by social conservatives for his pledge to repeal the theory of evolution.

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