Thursday, 3 April 2008

Hercules in New Labour

Greek hero cleans Augean health service.

The Telegraphos - a medium for spreading news amongst ancient people - has been unearthed by archaeologists at a dig in Knossos. It was found amongst a horde of ancient Greek tablets believed to have been used in the Cretan health service over 3000 years ago.

Astonished scholars deciphering its ‘Linear B’ script have discovered fascinating descriptions of the ancient Greek world, including a tragic sequel to the Twelve Labours of Hercules.

The mythological Greek hero was ordered by the fearsome Gorgon Brown to clean all the Augean hospitals in a single day. Alas, the deep clean strategy failed and Hercules' aged father Zeus died after contracting MRSA.

Other stories in the deciphered text portray a turbulent world we can only dimly understand: "Economy Slumps as Olive Oil Price Peaks"; "War on Troy Claims 4000th Victim"; "Priests Warn of Human-Animal Hybrids: Bull-Headed Men and Snake-Haired Women"; and "Sparta Condemns Foreign Critics amid Calls for Olympic Boycott".

[Also on THE tART website]

No comments: