Thursday, 19 June 2008

In the Company of Cheerful Politicians

St James' Park, yesterday
[You will not get this unless you have read the No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith]

Mma Cameron was waiting patiently in the little white van as a herd of impala scurried across Birdcage Walk and into St James' Park. As the sun reflected off the backs of crocodiles in the lake, Mma Cameron reflected on the need to start taking climate change a lot more seriously.

A great white stork was waddling around in front of the No. 1 Conservative Ladies’ Election Agency, but Mma Cameron was again happy to wait for it to move out of the way before parking the van under the acacia tree. "It is so often the case in life that it is better not hurry if you know where you are going and how to get there," mused Mma Cameron

Mma Osborne looked up when Mma Cameron entered the office, "Would you like a cup of Bush tea, Mma? I'm afraid we'll have to wait for the kettle to boil."

Mma Cameron nodded, "We have become very good at waiting, Mma"

"Yes," replied Mma Osborne, "we successfully waited for Mr A. C. L. Blair to go and for Mr J. G. Brown to become unpopular…"

"…and for our great victory in the local elections and Mr A. B. de P. Johnson to become Mayor of London," added Mma Cameron.

"So what are we waiting for next?" asked Mma Osborne.

"Oh, that accident prone Mr J. G. Brown is bound to hit trouble again soon," said Mma Cameron, "he's always chopping and changing; unlike us, he doesn't take a principled and consistent position on policies."

"Indeed, Mma, like our commitment to make significant reductions in tax and cut public spending..." suggested Mma Osborne.

Mma Cameron quickly cut in, "No, no, we advocate improving public services by cutting waste and implementing efficiencies."

"Oh, I thought that was Mr J. G. Brown's policy," puzzled Mma Osborne, "I suppose the difference is that he's always pandering to a disunited party whereas you force any rebels to resign - like Mr D. M. Davis."

Eyes rolling, Mma Cameron patiently explained, "Mr D. M. Davis resigned in a principled stand against the Government's 42-day detention plan for terror suspects and the erosion of human rights."

"But I thought we were against human rights for terrorists - isn't that why we intend to repeal the Human Rights Act?" said Mma Osborne looking confused again, "Anyway, our commitment to cut taxes on petrol will play well with the public, won't it? Everyone knows this climate change stuff is just a cover story for stealth taxes!"

"No, no, we're committed to cutting the UK's carbon emissions as part of our green agenda," corrected Mma Cameron.

"Isn't that Mr J. G. Brown's policy?" asked Mma Osborne.

There was silence as they both thought for a moment.

"So what is our main policy difference compared to Mr J. G. Brown?" queried Mma Osborne.

Mma Cameron smiled, "The key difference is that Mr J. G. Brown thinks he should be in charge - and we don't!"

They both laughed out loud. Mma Cameron glanced over to Mma Osborne, “Should we have another cup of Bush tea?”

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