Home births 'as safe as hospital'

Home birth advocates were shocked today at a report claiming home births were "as safe as hospital".

“We are very sceptical about this report,” said a spokesmidwife for the Royal College of Midwives, “surely having a baby at home can’t be that dangerous.”

After researching over half a million cases, the authoritative report concluded that giving birth at home was as safe as doing so in the superbug-infested wards of a general hospital.

The Department of Health welcomed the conclusion, “despite inexperienced nurses delivering overdoses, patients languishing in corridors on hospital trolleys and surgeons lopping out healthy organs – going to hospital is still as safe as staying at home.”