Cleggsy Malone

In Prime Minister’s Question Time, Tory Leader, ‘Dandy Dave’, called the PM, ‘Fat Gord’, a “no-good dirty rat”. The PM replied with a volley of custard pies; whereupon the shadow cabinet discharged splurge-guns into the Labour ranks and cream-splattered MPs set about each other.

Suddenly, everyone stopped as the sound of an unexpected piano rang out and the Liberal Democrat Leader, Cleggsy Malone, started to sing…

We could have done anything
We wanted to do
Like run the country quite well
Our efforts so far have oft come to naught
Is it the pointless battles we have fought?

[MPs on all sides begin swaying and singing along]

We could have done anything
We wanted to do
Like something worthy of praise
We’ve been derided
Our expenses misguided
Let’s put aside our jaundiced ways

We could have done anything
We wanted to do
Without these soundbites and spin
Let’s debate on a basis of facts
And not the petty points of partisan attacks
We could be the best there’s ever been

We could have done anything
We wanted to do
Make co-operation our style
We’d get together
So we’d decide whether
We could do it right once in a while

[Fighting resumes as Cleggsy Malone is pelted with custard pies from his own party]