Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Chocolate Factory Raided

In today's news, in a combined operation with the Home Office Immigration Service and the Inland Revenue, Police have raided the world's largest Chocolate Factory, detaining a large number of illegal immigrants and arresting the factory's proprietor, Mr William Wonka.

A Police spokesman said:
"We were first alerted to Mr Wonka's activities when he controversially laid off his entire work force and yet continued trading. We now understand that he has been running his factory using illegal immigrants from Loompaland."

An Inland Revenue spokesman said:
"We contacted the Police when Mr Wonka stopped paying employer's national insurance contributions. It turns out that he has been paying his Oompa-Loompa workers with cacao beans in an attempt to avoid income tax payments."

A spokesperson for the Home Office confirmed:
"A number of Oompa-Loompas have applied for asylum in the UK on the basis that a return to Loompaland would endanger their lives because of the prevalence there of Snozzwangers, Hornswogglers, wicked Whangdoodles and Vermicious knids."

The Immigration Service later turned down their application because:
"The UK government will only grant asylum to people who have a signed affidavit from a recognised brutal dictator confirming that they will be killed if they return to their home country; the only exceptions to this are terrorists, murderers and retired dictators who would clearly be at risk if we sent them back."

Mr Wonka has denied that customers, who bought Wonka chocolate bars after the fifth and final golden ticket had been found, had been swindled out of millions of pounds as they had no chance of winning a visit to his factory and a life-time supply of chocolate.

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