Thursday, 19 April 2007

Turkey Twizzlers

In today's news, we hear that UK Turkey producer Bernard Matthews will receive nearly £600,000 in compensation after a bird flu outbreak forced it to slaughter thousands of turkeys.

The UK Government said:
"Although, anyone with any sense knows that you have to give farmers large quantities of public cash to make them do anything - even if it's in the interest of public health - we know that there'll be a big hoohah in the press about this so we'd just like to say that we don't like it very much either."

A spokesman for the opposition Tory party may as well have said:
"This really is a shocking indictment of the Labour Government, the legislation under which the Government is obliged to make this payment was hopelessly out of date even when the last Tory Government was paying out to those farmers with mad cows, which is why we've been tirelessly campaigning against it since we saw this item on the news a few minutes ago. Surely the government should put aside the fact that no-one can prove how the turkeys got Bird Flu and summarily execute Bernard Matthews."

Bernard Matthews probably said:
"£600,000? Bootiful!"

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