Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Polish Workers Leaving UK

Britain’s newspaper industry has been plunged into crisis as Government figures show that thousands of Polish workers are now leaving the UK.

The Press had been enjoying an industry-wide boom with headlines such as “Thousands of Poles taking British Jobs!”, “Entire Population of Warsaw Encamped in Shanty Towns Throughout the Home Counties!” and “Archbishop says it is unavoidable that some elements of Polish law will be introduced in Britain!

A spokesman for the Daily Nail lamented “where will we get our rabid, scare-mongering stories now?

The editor of the Daily Repress called for an end to restrictions on workers from Romania and Bulgaria, “the only hope for the newspapers now is an influx of racist stories about an influx of Romanian Gypsies and, on a lighter note, some lame, womble-based headlines about Great Uncle Bulgaria.”

Reports in the British Press of a surge in the numbers of French Polish workers were denied by French officials last night when they revealed that the figures referred to traditional French craftsman skilled in the shellacking of antique furniture.

Tabloid stories have also suggested that the thousands of Polish workers moving from the UK to Warsaw will cause mayhem as the Polish Government struggles to: put up Polish-language road signs; provide Polish-language emergency services; and cater for a surge in Polish-speaking schoolchildren.

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