Friday, 23 March 2007

Alternative sources of money

In today's news, practitioners of Alternative Medicine roundly condemned a leading medical expert today for roundly condemning as gobbledygook BSc degrees in complementary medicine at UK universities.

Medical professionals pointed out that:
"For a medicine to be used in conventional medicine, it must go through double-blind, placebo-controlled, randomised testing to prove that it's effective."

The Prince's Foundation for Integrated Health, a group set up by Prince Charles to promote complementary therapy, said:
"There is increasing evidence that alternative therapies work and where there is no proof it doesn't necessarily mean that there will never be."

A spokesman for the "World War II Bomber Found Moon" Action Group said:
"There is increasing evidence that a World War II bomber was spotted on the Moon and where there is no proof it doesn't necessarily mean that there will never be."

The University of Trumpton issued a statement saying:
"We feel it is important to offer courses in whatever subjects satisfy our enormous demand for easy cash, sorry, the public's enormous demand for degrees in Complementary Medicine."

A Lecturer in I-just-know-it-works-ology said:
"Scientists with their closed minds may make sweeping, absolutist generalisations, but I know from extensive anecdotal evidence that, of the patients treated by I-just-know-it-works-ology who responded to our survey, over 50% said that it worked just as well as putting their feet up and having a nice cup of tea. Clearly big Pharmaceutical companies are just trying to block this alternative cure for cancer."

Prince Charles might as well have said:
"You can trust my judgement on this - I have a degree... in History."

A spokesduck for the UK Homeopathic Medicines industry could have said:
"In accordance with homeopathic principles, we dilute our medicines until they are indistinguishable from water and then we sell it to the public. Surely you are not suggesting that the participants in a highly profitable, multi-million pound business would do it just for the money?"

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