Monday, 26 March 2007

Northern Ireland Power-Sharing

In today's news, power will return to the Stormont Parliament building in Northern Ireland. In an historic meeting, Ian Paisley, leader of the largest Unionist* party (the DUP), and Gerry Adams, leader of the largest Nationalist** party (Sinn Fein), have agreed a way forward that will allow restoration of power.

With electricians due to arrive at Stormont on 6 May to switch the power back on, but unable to say whether it will be the morning or the afternoon, the two sides have agreed that Mr Paisley will wait in until lunch time; if they haven't arrived by 11:45am, he'll phone Mr Adams, who has promised to be there as soon as he can, 12:30 at the latest, and wait in all afternoon if necessary.

As part of the power-sharing process, Mr Adams won't recharge his electric beard-trimmer whilst Mr Paisley is recharging his electric megaphone (and vice versa). Both sides agreed that this would help them 'not to blow a fuse' as they have on done so many previous occasions.

In a further historic agreement over the vexed question of water bills, both sides have agreed that it would be appropriate for the British tax-payer to pay them.

*Unionists - people in Northern Ireland who oppose union with the Republic of Ireland on the grounds that Northern Ireland is an integral part of the British Nation.

**Nationalists - people in Northern Ireland who reject that Northern Ireland is part of the British Nation on the grounds that it should an integral part of a United Ireland.

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